Sympathetic vs. Parasympathetic: Why Your Nervous System Struggles to Relax

Let’s be real: how many times have you told yourself, “I just need to relax” — but your body won’t listen? You’ve got the candle lit, your playlist on, maybe some tea in your hand, and still… your chest feels heavy, your jaw is locked, and your brain is running a to-do list like it’s your full-time job.

Sis, fam, friend — that’s not you being “bad at relaxing.” That’s your nervous system doing what it’s been trained to do.

Meet Your Two Main Characters

Think of your nervous system like two friends with very different vibes:

• Sympathetic nervous system: the hype one. Always on go-mode, always ready for the next emergency. This is survival energy — fight, flight, freeze. It floods you with adrenaline when the rent’s due, when your boss is wildin’, or when you’re balancing work, side hustles, and still trying to show up for your people.

  
  

• Parasympathetic nervous system: the grounded one. This friend helps you rest, digest, heal, and breathe. They’re the one who tells you, “You deserve to chill. You’re safe here.”

  
  

Here’s the problem: in our world, the hype friend gets all the airtime.

Why It’s So Hard to Shift

Our bodies weren’t built for this 24/7 hustle. They were built to run from a tiger, handle the danger, then relax once it was gone. But in our lives? The “tiger” never leaves. It just shows up dressed as eviction notices, twelve-hour shifts, caregiving, microaggressions, bills piling up, and the weight of trying to thrive in a system that wasn’t made with us in mind.

Your body can’t tell the difference between a tiger and your boss blowing up your phone. That’s why you’re lying in bed, safe and sound, but your heart is racing like you’re in danger.

What You Can Do

The good news? Your chill friend is still here. You can call them back with practices that remind your body, “You’re safe. You’re home.”

• Breathwork: Long exhales are your secret weapon. They flip the switch into rest mode.

• Movement: Yoga, dancing in your kitchen, a walk around the block — move the stress out.

• Sound + rhythm: Music, humming, sound baths — vibrations that tell your body it’s okay to release.

• Touch + connection: A hug, a hand over your own heart, laying down next to someone who makes you feel safe.

It’s not about a quick fix. It’s about slowly teaching your body that peace is possible, even when life feels chaotic.

Final Word

So next time you can’t “just relax,” remember — that’s not a flaw in you. That’s your biology, doing the best it can in a world that stays demanding too much. And every time you give your nervous system a taste of calm, you’re building a pathway back home to yourself.

Your body wants to rest. Sometimes, it just needs to be reminded that the tiger is gone.

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If this spoke to you, you’re not alone. I created Minding My Own Mental as a space where queer and BIPOC folks could exhale, reconnect, and remember what safety in the body feels like. If your nervous system has been running the show, come reset with me. Join a sound bath, book a nervous system reset session, or just stay connected here. You deserve rest that actually restores you.

Love,

Sasha